Planet Sonia

Where Everything Makes Sense — Thoughts, Musings and Tidbits
Browsing Relationships

Good Relationship Tips


I received an email from my friend Jim with the following excellent relationship pointers. Check them out:

Want to have better relationships?  Tired of the same old, same old?  We need godly wisdom as to how to do this.  Rick Warren gives six points ……

If I am biblically wise…

1. I will not compromise my integrity (wisdom is pure). I’ll be honest with you. I’ll keep my promises and commitments to you.

2. I will not antagonize your anger (wisdom is peace-loving). I’ll work at maintaining harmony. I won’t push your hot buttons.

3. I will not minimize your feelings (wisdom is courteous). I may not feel as you do, but I won’t ignore or ridicule how you feel.

4. I will not criticize your suggestions (wisdom allows discussion). I can disagree with you without being disagreeable.

5. I will not emphasize your mistakes (wisdom is full of mercy). Instead of rubbing it in, I’ll rub it out.

6. I will not disguise my motivations (wisdom is wholehearted and sincere). I’ll be authentic with you. I won’t con or manipulate you.

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Good Reminder


People will never forget how you made them feel.

They might not remember your name or what you do for a living, but they will remember this.

Holding on to Hope


I am basically writing today’s post so I can remind myself later of this great promise. It’s easy to forget, to get hung up in the day’s troubles.

I was reading the Bible and this verse stuck out at me.

“Let us hold firmly to the hope that we have confessed, because we can trust God to do what he promised.” Hebrews 10:23

Isn’t it funny how you’ll be reading along… blah, blah, blah… and then a sentence or two stops you. That’s what happened to me. I read it again. Then I said, “I can trust God to do what he promised.”

I can trust God.

Mother’s Day Without Mom


It’s interesting how you dread something, and then God makes it work out ok.

Mother’s Day came upon me suddenly last week. I found myself wanting to escape the day, to skip it. I still haven’t really dealt with my mom’s death. And to tell you the truth, I am tired of crying. So what was I to do?

Putting aside my escapist tendencies, I decided to tough it out. Why should I let the devil have Mother’s Day just because I am sad and miss my mom? So I kicked him out, just like my mom taught me to do.

Then, I thought, what would my mom do in this situation? My answer came quickly: she’d bless other people. So I decided to cook lunch and dessert for my mom-in-law and grandma-in-law. I was glad my Dad came too. We went to the nursing home and made Grandma Lee happy. Then after we stuffed ourselves, my dad left to take a nap and we women painted our nails while Brett surfed RSS feeds on his iPhone.

After that, we headed over to Brett’s dad and step-mom’s house to bring her a card and a rose. We ended up at Brett’s aunt & uncle’s house for dinner. Surprisingly, it was a fun, happy day.

This is not, however, to suggest that I escaped crying or feeling sad yesterday. But despite that, God still redeemed the day. For that, I am grateful.

God lets me feel sad and yet helps me have fun despite the heaviness. Although, I have to admit that I did appreciate the big storms yesterday morning that seemed to commiserate with my heartbreak.

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Pastor Jeff’s Tips for Friendship – Extended Version


Recently (3/22/08), we heard some really good teaching on friendship from our pastor, Jeff Perry. It was also Peggy’s birthday!
God created us for fellowship, so we should learn what it means.
Love is regarding others as precious.
Learn how to get reinforcement from God so you can have better friendships.

1. Assume nothing
Don’t depend on others to make you happy.
Nothing substitutes for God.
The overly needy thing is weird.

2. Ask God for the right relationships
God-ordained friendships have grace.
In a big church, most people only know 50 other people.
Don’t have unrealistic expectations.
25% of Americans have no one to confide in.
Not every person is supposed to be your close friend.

Jesus’ relationship gradation:
12 disciples
3 ascension friends
1 best friend: John

God orders our steps.

3. Look at relationships not for what they can do for but what you can do for them
Are you this type of person: Here I am or there you are.
Learn how to say no; you don’t have to fix your friends.
You find out who your friends are when you have trouble.
To the degree you love yourself, you can love others.
When you spend time with God, you are in better shape.

4. Be the friend you’d like to have
Become marry-able.
Prov. 18:24 A man of many friends comes to ruin.
Too many friendships take too much maintenance, you become man-pleasers, lose yourself.

A man of many friends shows himself friendly.
Be kind. Don’t be fake.

5. Be generous
Prov. 19:6 A man who gives gifts will have friends

6. Bridle your tongue
Prov. 22:11 You’ll have the King as your friend if you watch your mouth.

Friendship is about trust.
Friends desire what is best for you.
Look for compatibilities and interests, God will foster that in your lives.

7. Be loyal
Prov. 27:6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend.
Do not forsake your own friend.

8. Real friendship is rooted in security
Everyone wants to feel like this person is the real deal.
In church, good friendships can be developed because we have common ground.

9. Believe in people
Believe in people’s potential.
Look through redemption’s eye.
Outdo each other in honor.

10. Use wisdom
Stay in the light.
Watch how you behave with people of the opposite sex, especially married people. Protect yourself: don’t drive in the car alone with married friends of the opposite sex.
Flee the appearance of evil.

By the way, this teaching was at Anchors, a new group for 20s and 30s at SLFC. It’s on the fourth Saturday every month at 6:30 p.m.

Privilege to Help Mom


I got to help my mom take a shower today (the first since her brain surgery).

I didn’t expect it, but it turned out to be such a special blessing to me. It was a real privilege to help my mom wash her hair and her toes…

For so many years, she used to take care of me when I was always sick. (I had chronic sinus problems growing up, until I was healed at 26.)

We were talking about it while I was helping her. It was quite the role reversal. I reminded her that she helped me, and now I am healed and well. Now I get to help her, and soon she will be healed and well.

I can’t explain how special it was to help her. I will always cherish this this experience. I am so glad that she allowed me to help.

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Relationship insights–best things learned from marriage counseling


Don’t discuss serious issues at night

Purple – Brett represented blue, and I represented red. When we became one, we became purple. You can’t ever turn purple back into red and blue. We’ve become something new.
Differences in dealing with conflict

Strengths taken to extremes become weaknesses

If you don’t read the Bible and pray, you will have relationship issues and will be less happy

Must focus on God

A cord of three strands is not easily broken

Learn about money management – read books by Larry Burkett if you think you know it all. Most marriage problems come from financial issues and bad habits.

If you are determined to stay married, also determine to be happy, not miserable. Don’t use the inseparable bond as an excuse for treating each other badly.

Find a solution that is win-win for both people.

You are on a team; therefore, if your teammate loses, you lose.

(From Sonia) Read “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. You have no room to complain about any relationship issues unless you’ve read it!

Brett: Don’t throw things. Give backrubs often.

The list will never end–take one day at a time.

One-Year Anniversary Thoughts


Although it’s not quite Brett and I’s first anniversary yet, he surprised me yesterday and sent me red roses at work. Not just a dozen either, but 18 red roses.

As grateful (and pleasantly surprised) as I was, I had other thoughts that dominated my thoughts as I pondered our first year.

1. It really has been awesome. I am really happy.

2. I’m super glad that we waited until the right time, even it it was a long dating process (three-years).

3. We have been blessed by God. I’m glad we sought His guidance and leading–and didn’t rush intimacy.

I’m always surprised by how much more people protect their money than their hearts (and their living space).

If Brett and I had gotten married when my impatient self first wanted to do so, I don’t think my one-year thoughts would be so positive. We would have had a lot more problems to conquer during our first year. Instead, we were able to have fun together this year. Yeah!

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